When someone we love has experienced a loss, we may struggle with what to say. Statements such as, “I didn’t know what to say to help,” or “I had such a hard time finding the right words” are common statements. When we extend expressions of empathy to someone who is grieving, it is best to speak honestly and from the heart. Here are a few tips based on the teachings of Sara Murphy, PhD, CT, on expressing empathy to a grieving loved one.
When a friend or loved one dies or death is expected to take place soon, there are many details to take care of. This can be a very stressful time. You are grieving and may have assumed a great responsibility by taking on the task of making funeral arrangements for someone you care about. The following information will make this difficult time easier for you.
Make an appointment to visit those funeral homes if possible. Bring a list of questions and a friend or family member less emotionally invested in the funeral than you are. Ask the funeral home for their General Price List and have the director review it with you. You might want to see an array of urns or caskets, ask about their billing policy, or meet the staff. Do you like the facility? Does the funeral director seem helpful and trustworthy, and answer questions willingly? Is he or she sensitive to your values and cultural or religious needs? Don’t select a funeral provider unless you feel completely comfortable with the director and the premises.
Register the death certificate if you aren’t working with a director. After the passing has been legally documented by a medical professional, you can retrieve an official death certificate needed for burial or cremation. Normally, the funeral director handles the paperwork. When doing it yourself, contact your the registrar or vital statistic office in the area where the deceased lived.[11]
Your first meeting with a funeral director (sometimes referred to as an "arrangement conference") can take place in person—either at the funeral home or at your own home—or over the phone. This initial meeting is an opportunity for you to ask questions, learn more about the services offered by the funeral home, and get a general sense of what the funeral home in question is like. The funeral director should be friendly, courteous, well-informed and compassionate. You may have many questions and requests, and the funeral director should listen attentively and provide answers.
Ask yourself: How important is a convenient location? Do you prefer proximity to your home, place of worship, or cemetery? Is price a critical factor? How flexible is your budget? If you or your family used a funeral firm in the past, how satisfied were you? Do you have special religious or cultural requirements? If you want a viewing or service, will you need a large facility with ample parking, high-tech video screens, or handicap-accessibility? Or is simplicity your first priority?
I like how you talked about being sure to check the prices for cremation services to be sure that they offer the lowest pricing. My grandmother wanted to be cremated, and since her recent death, I think that finding a cremation service would be the next step for us. I’m glad that you talked about looking at prices, and I’ll have to be sure that I do that while I’m looking for some good cremation services for her!
In the past few decades, funeral services have grown increasingly personalized, although many people still think of the "traditional funeral" as the norm. A personalized funeral or memorial service reflects the unique life and personality of the deceased individual, as viewed by the deceased and/or his or her surviving loved ones, and regardless of the form such services take.![]()
Rodney Eugene Broady, age 63. Sunrise July 7, 1957 and Sunset September 17, 2020. Please revisit this page and pray for the Broady Family as they write the obituary for Rodney. Private Visitation 10:00 AM and Private Funeral Service 11:00 AM Wednesday, October 28, 2020 at MARLAN J. GARY FUNERAL HOME, THE CHAPEL OF PEACE… Read complete obituary here.
At no point should you feel pressured into making any arrangements that make you feel uncomfortable. While some people may opt for embalming, cosmetology, and a viewing or wake, others may simply want a graveside service or a direct cremation; all of these are valid options, and at no point should you feel that the funeral director is pressuring you to add on unwanted services.
If the death has already happened and you do not have time to pre-plan, download a copy of our Funeral Planning Checklist and Planning Form. This comprehensive document will help you gather all the information that you will need when meeting with the funeral service providers you will be working with. Once you make the request we will email you right away with a link to download the document.
I’m glad that you mention how it’s important to know the funeral arrangements you want, such as burial services or cremation. Once you know this and other requirements, such as where you want the burial, it might help to start research funeral homes in the area. Finding a local one could ensure that the services can get done quickly and you can properly remember your deceased loved one.
For example, you can arrange a "traditional" funeral service that includes a wake/visitation beforehand with the embalmed body in an open casket even if you desire cremation of the deceased as the form of final disposition. Likewise, some families choose to cremate the unembalmed deceased without a service beforehand but hold a memorial service afterward with or without the inurned remains present.![]()
At my sister’s recent transition (Evangelist Barbara A. Harden), my family and I selected Adams Funeral Services to handle the final arrangements in Georgia. We could not have selected a better funeral home to complete this sensitive task. My sister lived in Boynton Beach, Florida so it was necessary for her husband to make arrangements there for the Florida service and my family and I made arrangements with Adams Funeral Services on this end for the Georgia Service. From our initial contact with Adams Funeral Services to the completion of the Georgia service and viewing, the staff from Adams Funeral Services were professional and sensitive to our needs. Bruce Adams, Amari Adams, Reverend Leroy Pollen and Brenda were all very helpful and supportive to our entire family throughout our time grief and sorrow. The staff at Adams Funeral Services coordinated the services and program extremely well with the Florida funeral home ensuring that there were no glitches. The Georgia service in the Adams Funeral Services Chapel and the viewing for the public after the service was beautiful and everything flowed well. We will forever be grateful to the staff at Adams Funeral Services for making our burdens a little lighter during our time of bereavement due to our great loss. I will miss my sister, but I am satisfied and consoled in knowing that Adams Funeral Services provided the very best services to my sister at her departure. God bless the staff at Adams Funeral Services, Inc.
If a friend or loved one is seriously ill and expected to die in a matter of days or weeks, consider making funeral arrangements in advance. Preparing ahead of time puts you in control and allows you to explore all your options. It will make your meeting with a funeral director more productive and is likely to save you money. Our online planning tools and forms can help you make funeral arrangements in advance. You can also try the Wise Planning System.

