When someone we love has experienced a loss, we may struggle with what to say. Statements such as, “I didn’t know what to say to help,” or “I had such a hard time finding the right words” are common statements. When we extend expressions of empathy to someone who is grieving, it is best to speak honestly and from the heart. Here are a few tips based on the teachings of Sara Murphy, PhD, CT, on expressing empathy to a grieving loved one.
For example, you can arrange a "traditional" funeral service that includes a wake/visitation beforehand with the embalmed body in an open casket even if you desire cremation of the deceased as the form of final disposition. Likewise, some families choose to cremate the unembalmed deceased without a service beforehand but hold a memorial service afterward with or without the inurned remains present.
Your first meeting with a funeral director (sometimes referred to as an "arrangement conference") can take place in person—either at the funeral home or at your own home—or over the phone. This initial meeting is an opportunity for you to ask questions, learn more about the services offered by the funeral home, and get a general sense of what the funeral home in question is like. The funeral director should be friendly, courteous, well-informed and compassionate. You may have many questions and requests, and the funeral director should listen attentively and provide answers.
Make an appointment to visit those funeral homes if possible. Bring a list of questions and a friend or family member less emotionally invested in the funeral than you are. Ask the funeral home for their General Price List and have the director review it with you. You might want to see an array of urns or caskets, ask about their billing policy, or meet the staff. Do you like the facility? Does the funeral director seem helpful and trustworthy, and answer questions willingly? Is he or she sensitive to your values and cultural or religious needs? Don’t select a funeral provider unless you feel completely comfortable with the director and the premises.
After determining the above, the next step is to research your service and provider options. If death has already occurred, you can contact a local funeral home, cremation provider or cemetery. Your chosen provider can help you arrange the funeral, memorial and/or interment service you desire; provide information about your various product and service options; explain the costs involved for merchandise, services, and other professional fees; and help you create an obituary or death notice and obtain official death certificates.

Today, about half of people decide that cremation is the right choice for them. Whether or not to be cremated is a personal decision that only you can make. The best way to make an informed decision is to learn as much as you can about it. We have a comprehensive section of information relating to cremation that can help you understand how the process works and what type of questions you should ask in order to decide what’s right for you. Visit our cremation section.
If you can’t find a price survey, look online or in the phone book for funeral home listings. Call five or six and get their prices for your chosen arrangement; perhaps ask about casket and urn prices as well. If a particular funeral director seems uncooperative, cross him off your list. Do the costs fit within your budget? If not, you may have to consider a more affordable type of arrangement, look beyond your immediate area for lower prices, or eliminate extra expenses like embalming or visitation.
Many families these days prefer to plan a funeral or memorial service focused on remembering the deceased as he or she was in life, a service focused on the deceased's body/remains, or a combination of both. Therefore, you should imagine and plan the funeral or memorial service that you and/or the person who died consider the most meaningful way to say goodbye—something that captures the unique qualities of the deceased; reflects his or her and/or your personal, religious or spiritual beliefs; and provides a memorable, meaningful opportunity for mourners to express their grief while comforting and supporting each other.
When someone we love has experienced a loss, we may struggle with what to say. Statements such as, “I didn’t know what to say to help,” or “I had such a hard time finding the right words” are common statements. When we extend expressions of empathy to someone who is grieving, it is best to speak honestly and from the heart. Here are a few tips based on the teachings of Sara Murphy, PhD, CT, on expressing empathy to a grieving loved one.
Sylvia Caye McNeal, age 62. Sunrise May 30, 1958 and Sunset October 8, 2020. PRIVATE Visitation 10:00 AM and Funeral Service 11:00 AM Thursday, October 29, 2020 at MARLAN J. GARY FUNERAL HOME, THE CHAPEL OF PEACE EAST, 5456 E. Livingston Ave. A MASK IS MANDATORY. Interment at Evergreen Burial Park. Please keep the family… Read complete obituary here.
I’m glad that you mention how it’s important to know the funeral arrangements you want, such as burial services or cremation. Once you know this and other requirements, such as where you want the burial, it might help to start research funeral homes in the area. Finding a local one could ensure that the services can get done quickly and you can properly remember your deceased loved one.
After determining the above, the next step is to research your service and provider options. If death has already occurred, you can contact a local funeral home, cremation provider or cemetery. Your chosen provider can help you arrange the funeral, memorial and/or interment service you desire; provide information about your various product and service options; explain the costs involved for merchandise, services, and other professional fees; and help you create an obituary or death notice and obtain official death certificates.

Most businesses provide convenient product and service information online, prices, and even post their general price list (GPL). This makes it easier to compare prices and service/merchandise options available locally. The Federal Trade Commission requires providers to give customers accurate and itemized price information and disclosures about other services, whether the customer asks in person or over the phone.


First, check with your local Funeral Consumers Alliance to see if they have a survey of prices in your area. If so, check the range of costs for your chosen arrangement, and pick out some affordable funeral homes. You may find a huge price difference for the same option, so doing a cost comparison might save you several thousand dollars. Often those specializing in cremation offer the lowest prices for that service, but not always—be sure to double check.


You made a good point when you talked about how it is important to schedule an appointment for a visit when you are looking to hire a funeral home for their services. Losing a loved one is not an easy process for anyone, and in my opinion, it is important to reduce as much stress as possible in situations like these. If I had to plan a funeral for a loved one, I would definitely want the help of a funeral home.
If a friend or loved one is seriously ill and expected to die in a matter of days or weeks, consider making funeral arrangements in advance. Preparing ahead of time puts you in control and allows you to explore all your options. It will make your meeting with a funeral director more productive and is likely to save you money. Our online planning tools and forms can help you make funeral arrangements in advance. You can also try the Wise Planning System.
My grandpa is very sick, and my mother is trying to find a funeral service to get everything in order beforehand. I like that you say to visit several funeral homes and bring a list of questions as well as try to meet the staff. This will help you get an idea if you are comfortable with the director as well as the home. Also, I agree that you should weigh your priorities and see if you want the funeral home to be close to your home, a church, or a cemetery and decide which is most important.
Thank you for mentioning how you should consult with a funeral provider and get a written list of items you can get with your plan. It is important to remember that doing this can help you know what you are paying for and what is available to you. My dad passed away yesterday and we want to make sure we get the best funeral services we can, so I’m glad I found your post.
When someone we love has experienced a loss, we may struggle with what to say. Statements such as, “I didn’t know what to say to help,” or “I had such a hard time finding the right words” are common statements. When we extend expressions of empathy to someone who is grieving, it is best to speak honestly and from the heart. Here are a few tips based on the teachings of Sara Murphy, PhD, CT, on expressing empathy to a grieving loved one.
This article was co-authored by David I. Jacobson. David I. Jacobson is the founder of Chicago Jewish Funerals, an independent Jewish owned funeral provider that evolved into two funeral homes in the Chicagoland area. With over 30 years of experience serving families, David is a leading expert on Kavod Hamet, the Jewish traditions of honoring and respecting the dead. David is an active funeral director that serves people planning and in need of funerals, lecturing to congregations, community groups, and schools extensively about the values of the Jewish funeral as well as the dying process and the value of one’s legacy.  This article has been viewed 7,402 times.
Make an appointment to visit those funeral homes if possible. Bring a list of questions and a friend or family member less emotionally invested in the funeral than you are. Ask the funeral home for their General Price List and have the director review it with you. You might want to see an array of urns or caskets, ask about their billing policy, or meet the staff. Do you like the facility? Does the funeral director seem helpful and trustworthy, and answer questions willingly? Is he or she sensitive to your values and cultural or religious needs? Don’t select a funeral provider unless you feel completely comfortable with the director and the premises.
We strive to be professional, courteous, understanding, and above all, compassionate in our service. When selecting a funeral service, we suggest to our families the three most important items to remember: 1. Every funeral is a dignified funeral; 2. Stay in a price category that you can afford and most importantly, 3. Whoever is paying for the funeral, such as a surviving spouse, they need to maintain their same standard of living or better.
Keeping in mind your personal priorities, do further research. Visit the funeral homes’ websites. Ask your family, friends and colleagues for their experiences with any of your choices. You could also check online customer review sites, or ask your local Funeral Consumers Alliance if they have received any complaints about any of them. Then focus your attention on two or three of the most promising choices.
This article was co-authored by David I. Jacobson. David I. Jacobson is the founder of Chicago Jewish Funerals, an independent Jewish owned funeral provider that evolved into two funeral homes in the Chicagoland area. With over 30 years of experience serving families, David is a leading expert on Kavod Hamet, the Jewish traditions of honoring and respecting the dead. David is an active funeral director that serves people planning and in need of funerals, lecturing to congregations, community groups, and schools extensively about the values of the Jewish funeral as well as the dying process and the value of one’s legacy.  This article has been viewed 7,402 times.
If the death has already happened and you do not have time to pre-plan, download a copy of our Funeral Planning Checklist and Planning Form. This comprehensive document will help you gather all the information that you will need when meeting with the funeral service providers you will be working with. Once you make the request we will email you right away with a link to download the document.
We strive to be professional, courteous, understanding, and above all, compassionate in our service. When selecting a funeral service, we suggest to our families the three most important items to remember: 1. Every funeral is a dignified funeral; 2. Stay in a price category that you can afford and most importantly, 3. Whoever is paying for the funeral, such as a surviving spouse, they need to maintain their same standard of living or better.

You made a great point when you mentioned that proximity could be important when choosing a funeral home. Considering what kinds of things are important to you, such as price and location, would be an important step to make when choosing a funeral home. My aunt recently passed away, so when my family plans the funeral, we’ll have to remember to weigh our priorities, as you mention.


When you have experienced the loss of a loved one, you can trust us to guide you through the arrangements necessary to create a meaningful ceremony that celebrates the unique life being honored. Our staff is committed to providing your family with the highest quality care and service in your time of need, and we take pride in our responsibility to lighten your burden as you take the first steps toward healing. 
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