Finally, if you're planning your own funeral or memorial service in advance, you should inform your family about your end-of-life wishes to make sure they know what you want. Ideally, you should provide a written record rather than relying upon a family member's memory or keeping your plans on your computer, but even a single verbal conversation with your spouse or partner, child, sibling, or parent can prove better than nothing.
This article was co-authored by David I. Jacobson. David I. Jacobson is the founder of Chicago Jewish Funerals, an independent Jewish owned funeral provider that evolved into two funeral homes in the Chicagoland area. With over 30 years of experience serving families, David is a leading expert on Kavod Hamet, the Jewish traditions of honoring and respecting the dead. David is an active funeral director that serves people planning and in need of funerals, lecturing to congregations, community groups, and schools extensively about the values of the Jewish funeral as well as the dying process and the value of one’s legacy. This article has been viewed 7,402 times.
Traditionally, people send funeral flowers or sympathy flowers as a sign of support and to express their condolences. For the past several decades, however, families have also used the phrase "In lieu of flowers..." in death notices and obituaries to suggest their preference for funeral memorial donations instead of, or in addition to, flowers. Thus, you should decide if attendees may send flowers, if you'd rather they donate to a chosen charitable organization or cause in memory of the deceased, or if either form of expression is appropriate.
In a nutshell, this normally involves the deceased being taken into the care of a funeral director, the funeral director making necessary arrangements with relevant authorities, providing a hearse and limousine on the day of the funeral and transporting the deceased and their family, in black, to the place of the funeral, where a religious minister would oversee proceedings.![]()
You made a great point when you mentioned that proximity could be important when choosing a funeral home. Considering what kinds of things are important to you, such as price and location, would be an important step to make when choosing a funeral home. My aunt recently passed away, so when my family plans the funeral, we’ll have to remember to weigh our priorities, as you mention.
When you have thoroughly evaluated information from several funeral homes, choose the one you like best. If the funeral is imminent, call the funeral home to begin the arrangements. At this point, you could fill out the funeral home’s pre-need planning form and pay a deposit if required. But remember, never sign a contract for more than you or your family can afford to pay!
If you are planning a funeral in advance of need, be sure to tell your loved ones about your decisions. Write down your specific instructions and funeral home choice. Give copies of your instructions to your family members or close friends, lawyer, and/or spiritual advisor. Do not put your written plans only in your Will or safe deposit box—they might not be found and read until too late—after your funeral is over.
At no point should you feel pressured into making any arrangements that make you feel uncomfortable. While some people may opt for embalming, cosmetology, and a viewing or wake, others may simply want a graveside service or a direct cremation; all of these are valid options, and at no point should you feel that the funeral director is pressuring you to add on unwanted services.
We’ll take you through the steps of arranging a funeral — from making the first calls when someone dies to taking care of the financial and administrative matters that have to be handled following the funeral. If a death has already taken place and you have not yet begun to make notifications, visit our First Call page. This page has information that can help you understand what steps you need to take right away.
If the death has already happened and you do not have time to pre-plan, download a copy of our Funeral Planning Checklist and Planning Form. This comprehensive document will help you gather all the information that you will need when meeting with the funeral service providers you will be working with. Once you make the request we will email you right away with a link to download the document.![]()
After determining the above, the next step is to research your service and provider options. If death has already occurred, you can contact a local funeral home, cremation provider or cemetery. Your chosen provider can help you arrange the funeral, memorial and/or interment service you desire; provide information about your various product and service options; explain the costs involved for merchandise, services, and other professional fees; and help you create an obituary or death notice and obtain official death certificates.
If you've formally prearranged your funeral or memorial service with a provider, then you should keep those documents with your other important papers at home—and let your loved ones know of their existence and their location—so they have timely access to them when necessary. If you keep your legal documents in a safe, or offsite in a safety-deposit box, then you should ensure that your loved one(s) also know the safe's combination or can access the key.
If you are planning a funeral in advance of need, be sure to tell your loved ones about your decisions. Write down your specific instructions and funeral home choice. Give copies of your instructions to your family members or close friends, lawyer, and/or spiritual advisor. Do not put your written plans only in your Will or safe deposit box—they might not be found and read until too late—after your funeral is over.
I like how you talked about being sure to check the prices for cremation services to be sure that they offer the lowest pricing. My grandmother wanted to be cremated, and since her recent death, I think that finding a cremation service would be the next step for us. I’m glad that you talked about looking at prices, and I’ll have to be sure that I do that while I’m looking for some good cremation services for her!
Many families these days prefer to plan a funeral or memorial service focused on remembering the deceased as he or she was in life, a service focused on the deceased's body/remains, or a combination of both. Therefore, you should imagine and plan the funeral or memorial service that you and/or the person who died consider the most meaningful way to say goodbye—something that captures the unique qualities of the deceased; reflects his or her and/or your personal, religious or spiritual beliefs; and provides a memorable, meaningful opportunity for mourners to express their grief while comforting and supporting each other.
I have a friend who just lost a loved one, and is trying to find a funeral home that he can use for the viewing procession. It really helped when you said to visit several funeral homes and compare prices and location with each one to find one that’s the most convenient. Hopefully this should help my friend narrow down his choices for what funeral home he should choose that’s affordable, and in a convenient place to go to.![]()
You may want to check their urn collection and caskets. Check the cleanliness and appearance of the funeral home. Assess if the staffs are helpful. Ask if they respect your religious and cultural beliefs. Check to see if they utilize modern technology. Choose a funeral home with a funeral director you are agreeable with and you like the facilities.
When someone we love has experienced a loss, we may struggle with what to say. Statements such as, “I didn’t know what to say to help,” or “I had such a hard time finding the right words” are common statements. When we extend expressions of empathy to someone who is grieving, it is best to speak honestly and from the heart. Here are a few tips based on the teachings of Sara Murphy, PhD, CT, on expressing empathy to a grieving loved one.
I like how you talked about being sure to check the prices for cremation services to be sure that they offer the lowest pricing. My grandmother wanted to be cremated, and since her recent death, I think that finding a cremation service would be the next step for us. I’m glad that you talked about looking at prices, and I’ll have to be sure that I do that while I’m looking for some good cremation services for her!
My wife is in charge of planning the funeral of a relative of hers, and I think this article has some good points. I like how you suggest she ought to visit a couple funeral homes and bring a list of questions to ask during the visit. I’m sure this would be the best way for her to ensure she is picking out the right funeral home for the memorial services.
I like how you talked about being sure to check the prices for cremation services to be sure that they offer the lowest pricing. My grandmother wanted to be cremated, and since her recent death, I think that finding a cremation service would be the next step for us. I’m glad that you talked about looking at prices, and I’ll have to be sure that I do that while I’m looking for some good cremation services for her!
I’m glad that you mention how it’s important to know the funeral arrangements you want, such as burial services or cremation. Once you know this and other requirements, such as where you want the burial, it might help to start research funeral homes in the area. Finding a local one could ensure that the services can get done quickly and you can properly remember your deceased loved one.
This article was co-authored by David I. Jacobson. David I. Jacobson is the founder of Chicago Jewish Funerals, an independent Jewish owned funeral provider that evolved into two funeral homes in the Chicagoland area. With over 30 years of experience serving families, David is a leading expert on Kavod Hamet, the Jewish traditions of honoring and respecting the dead. David is an active funeral director that serves people planning and in need of funerals, lecturing to congregations, community groups, and schools extensively about the values of the Jewish funeral as well as the dying process and the value of one’s legacy. This article has been viewed 7,402 times.
Planning a funeral or memorial service is a highly personal process, and your decisions will be shaped by your life experiences, your relationship to the deceased, what the deceased wanted or what you desire for yourself after you die, what you can afford, and a myriad of other factors. There are several reasons to plan a funeral in advance, but here are the decisions you will generally need to make.
Sylvia Caye McNeal, age 62. Sunrise May 30, 1958 and Sunset October 8, 2020. PRIVATE Visitation 10:00 AM and Funeral Service 11:00 AM Thursday, October 29, 2020 at MARLAN J. GARY FUNERAL HOME, THE CHAPEL OF PEACE EAST, 5456 E. Livingston Ave. A MASK IS MANDATORY. Interment at Evergreen Burial Park. Please keep the family… Read complete obituary here.
Make an appointment to visit those funeral homes if possible. Bring a list of questions and a friend or family member less emotionally invested in the funeral than you are. Ask the funeral home for their General Price List and have the director review it with you. You might want to see an array of urns or caskets, ask about their billing policy, or meet the staff. Do you like the facility? Does the funeral director seem helpful and trustworthy, and answer questions willingly? Is he or she sensitive to your values and cultural or religious needs? Don’t select a funeral provider unless you feel completely comfortable with the director and the premises.
If you can’t find a price survey, look online or in the phone book for funeral home listings. Call five or six and get their prices for your chosen arrangement; perhaps ask about casket and urn prices as well. If a particular funeral director seems uncooperative, cross him off your list. Do the costs fit within your budget? If not, you may have to consider a more affordable type of arrangement, look beyond your immediate area for lower prices, or eliminate extra expenses like embalming or visitation.
From Google to online directories to asking friends and family members, there are many ways to find funeral homes in your area. Once you’ve determined what your criteria are for a funeral home, you can begin to make use of these resources to find potential funeral homes. Ask friends and family members about any funeral home experiences they’ve had, look at funeral homes’ websites, and search for local funeral homes using online directories. More and more, funeral homes reviews are appearing on customer review sites, such as Yelp and Angie’s List, and those might be helpful resources as well.
I have a friend who just lost a loved one, and is trying to find a funeral home that he can use for the viewing procession. It really helped when you said to visit several funeral homes and compare prices and location with each one to find one that’s the most convenient. Hopefully this should help my friend narrow down his choices for what funeral home he should choose that’s affordable, and in a convenient place to go to.
Thanks for the tip about considering if you want a funeral home to be close to your home, place of worship, or cemetery. Any one of these things would probably really help make planning a funeral much easier. My mom is getting older and starting to plan her funeral arrangements. When she decides to choose a funeral home, she’ll have to consider the convenience of the location as well.
First, check with your local Funeral Consumers Alliance to see if they have a survey of prices in your area. If so, check the range of costs for your chosen arrangement, and pick out some affordable funeral homes. You may find a huge price difference for the same option, so doing a cost comparison might save you several thousand dollars. Often those specializing in cremation offer the lowest prices for that service, but not always—be sure to double check.
If a friend or loved one is seriously ill and expected to die in a matter of days or weeks, consider making funeral arrangements in advance. Preparing ahead of time puts you in control and allows you to explore all your options. It will make your meeting with a funeral director more productive and is likely to save you money. Our online planning tools and forms can help you make funeral arrangements in advance. You can also try the Wise Planning System.
If the death has already happened and you do not have time to pre-plan, download a copy of our Funeral Planning Checklist and Planning Form. This comprehensive document will help you gather all the information that you will need when meeting with the funeral service providers you will be working with. Once you make the request we will email you right away with a link to download the document.

