When someone we love has experienced a loss, we may struggle with what to say. Statements such as, “I didn’t know what to say to help,” or “I had such a hard time finding the right words” are common statements. When we extend expressions of empathy to someone who is grieving, it is best to speak honestly and from the heart. Here are a few tips based on the teachings of Sara Murphy, PhD, CT, on expressing empathy to a grieving loved one.
If a friend or loved one is seriously ill and expected to die in a matter of days or weeks, consider making funeral arrangements in advance. Preparing ahead of time puts you in control and allows you to explore all your options. It will make your meeting with a funeral director more productive and is likely to save you money. Our online planning tools and forms can help you make funeral arrangements in advance. You can also try the Wise Planning System.
In the past few decades, funeral services have grown increasingly personalized, although many people still think of the "traditional funeral" as the norm. A personalized funeral or memorial service reflects the unique life and personality of the deceased individual, as viewed by the deceased and/or his or her surviving loved ones, and regardless of the form such services take.
If a friend or loved one is seriously ill and expected to die in a matter of days or weeks, consider making funeral arrangements in advance. Preparing ahead of time puts you in control and allows you to explore all your options. It will make your meeting with a funeral director more productive and is likely to save you money. Our online planning tools and forms can help you make funeral arrangements in advance. You can also try the Wise Planning System.
We’ll take you through the steps of arranging a funeral — from making the first calls when someone dies to taking care of the financial and administrative matters that have to be handled following the funeral. If a death has already taken place and you have not yet begun to make notifications, visit our First Call page. This page has information that can help you understand what steps you need to take right away.
I have a friend who just lost a loved one, and is trying to find a funeral home that he can use for the viewing procession. It really helped when you said to visit several funeral homes and compare prices and location with each one to find one that’s the most convenient. Hopefully this should help my friend narrow down his choices for what funeral home he should choose that’s affordable, and in a convenient place to go to.
If you visit a funeral home in person, the FTC requires the funeral provider to give you a general price list itemizing the cost of the items and services the funeral home offers. If the price list does not include specific prices of caskets or other burial containers, laws require the funeral director to show you price lists. If it’s more convenient and less stressful to call funeral homes by telephone, the Funeral Rule enforced by the FTC requires funeral directors to provide price information on the phone.
If you are planning a funeral in advance of need, be sure to tell your loved ones about your decisions. Write down your specific instructions and funeral home choice. Give copies of your instructions to your family members or close friends, lawyer, and/or spiritual advisor. Do not put your written plans only in your Will or safe deposit box—they might not be found and read until too late—after your funeral is over.
Make an appointment to visit those funeral homes if possible. Bring a list of questions and a friend or family member less emotionally invested in the funeral than you are. Ask the funeral home for their General Price List and have the director review it with you. You might want to see an array of urns or caskets, ask about their billing policy, or meet the staff. Do you like the facility? Does the funeral director seem helpful and trustworthy, and answer questions willingly? Is he or she sensitive to your values and cultural or religious needs? Don’t select a funeral provider unless you feel completely comfortable with the director and the premises.
Comparison shopping doesn’t have to be too challenging, especially if it's done before the need for a funeral arises, says the Federal Trade Commission. “Thinking ahead can help you make informed and thoughtful decisions about funeral arrangements. It allows you to choose the specific items you want and need, and to compare the prices several funeral providers charge,” the FTC says.
In a nutshell, this normally involves the deceased being taken into the care of a funeral director, the funeral director making necessary arrangements with relevant authorities, providing a hearse and limousine on the day of the funeral and transporting the deceased and their family, in black, to the place of the funeral, where a religious minister would oversee proceedings.
I like how you talked about being sure to check the prices for cremation services to be sure that they offer the lowest pricing. My grandmother wanted to be cremated, and since her recent death, I think that finding a cremation service would be the next step for us. I’m glad that you talked about looking at prices, and I’ll have to be sure that I do that while I’m looking for some good cremation services for her!![]()
Evangelist Ceola Walker Baker, age 78. Heaven Sent April 3, 1942 and Heaven Bound October 22, 2020. Ceola was born in Birmingham, AL to Samuel Sr. and Sally Walker. Ceola was a member of Miracle Cathedral where she served as an Ordained Evangelist, Church Mother, Missionary, and Mime Ministry. She loved feeding the community with… Read complete obituary here.
Choose a funeral home at a convenient location, near your home, or the cemetery. A convenient location will be helpful for the funeral preparations. Check the funeral home facility, will it be able to hold the number of guests you expect? Make sure that the funeral home offers the services you need. Do they offer embalming, cremation, or transportation services? Make sure the funeral home can accomplish your wishes.
If a friend or loved one is seriously ill and expected to die in a matter of days or weeks, consider making funeral arrangements in advance. Preparing ahead of time puts you in control and allows you to explore all your options. It will make your meeting with a funeral director more productive and is likely to save you money. Our online planning tools and forms can help you make funeral arrangements in advance. You can also try the Wise Planning System.
Fellow members need your help in answering critical questions. As an exclusive service to members, the OFDA's Q&A page allows you to share common questions and maybe not-so-common answers. You can even share your stories of unique and/or interesting services that you have provided. Maybe your story will answer someone's question before they even ask it!

