You should also discuss with your provider any religious or cultural preferences that you would like honored. For example, if you desire a secular or non-religious funeral or memorial service, you might like to use the services of a funeral celebrant, which some funeral homes now have on their staffs. Many funeral homes also have experience serving families from diverse cultural backgrounds with their own funeral rites, rituals, and customs.
You should feel comfortable with the funeral director at the funeral home. Your first meeting is an opportunity for you to ask questions, learn more about the services offered, and get a general sense of what the funeral home in question is like. Cost is another consideration, and it’s okay (and can be a good idea) to comparison shop if you feel uneasy about quoted prices. And if you’re not sure where to start, but you know what cemetery you want to use, consider asking the cemetery for their recommended funeral homes.
Your first meeting with a funeral director (sometimes referred to as an "arrangement conference") can take place in person—either at the funeral home or at your own home—or over the phone. This initial meeting is an opportunity for you to ask questions, learn more about the services offered by the funeral home, and get a general sense of what the funeral home in question is like. The funeral director should be friendly, courteous, well-informed and compassionate. You may have many questions and requests, and the funeral director should listen attentively and provide answers.
You made a great point when you mentioned that proximity could be important when choosing a funeral home. Considering what kinds of things are important to you, such as price and location, would be an important step to make when choosing a funeral home. My aunt recently passed away, so when my family plans the funeral, we’ll have to remember to weigh our priorities, as you mention.
Planning a funeral or memorial service is a highly personal process, and your decisions will be shaped by your life experiences, your relationship to the deceased, what the deceased wanted or what you desire for yourself after you die, what you can afford, and a myriad of other factors. There are several reasons to plan a funeral in advance, but here are the decisions you will generally need to make.
Ask yourself: How important is a convenient location? Do you prefer proximity to your home, place of worship, or cemetery? Is price a critical factor? How flexible is your budget? If you or your family used a funeral firm in the past, how satisfied were you? Do you have special religious or cultural requirements? If you want a viewing or service, will you need a large facility with ample parking, high-tech video screens, or handicap-accessibility? Or is simplicity your first priority?
Discuss the funeral plans and costs with the director. After the transportation happens, talk to the director again to plan the funeral. You may do this over the phone, but it helps to visit them in person to go over all your options. There are a lot of choices to make in what may be a difficult time, so you may want a friend or family to come along for support.[7]

We’ll take you through the steps of arranging a funeral — from making the first calls when someone dies to taking care of the financial and administrative matters that have to be handled following the funeral. If a death has already taken place and you have not yet begun to make notifications, visit our First Call page. This page has information that can help you understand what steps you need to take right away.


We’ll take you through the steps of arranging a funeral — from making the first calls when someone dies to taking care of the financial and administrative matters that have to be handled following the funeral. If a death has already taken place and you have not yet begun to make notifications, visit our First Call page. This page has information that can help you understand what steps you need to take right away.
Make an appointment to visit those funeral homes if possible. Bring a list of questions and a friend or family member less emotionally invested in the funeral than you are. Ask the funeral home for their General Price List and have the director review it with you. You might want to see an array of urns or caskets, ask about their billing policy, or meet the staff. Do you like the facility? Does the funeral director seem helpful and trustworthy, and answer questions willingly? Is he or she sensitive to your values and cultural or religious needs? Don’t select a funeral provider unless you feel completely comfortable with the director and the premises.
When someone we love has experienced a loss, we may struggle with what to say. Statements such as, “I didn’t know what to say to help,” or “I had such a hard time finding the right words” are common statements. When we extend expressions of empathy to someone who is grieving, it is best to speak honestly and from the heart. Here are a few tips based on the teachings of Sara Murphy, PhD, CT, on expressing empathy to a grieving loved one.

If the death has already happened and you do not have time to pre-plan, download a copy of our Funeral Planning Checklist and Planning Form. This comprehensive document will help you gather all the information that you will need when meeting with the funeral service providers you will be working with. Once you make the request we will email you right away with a link to download the document.

Thank you for mentioning how you should consult with a funeral provider and get a written list of items you can get with your plan. It is important to remember that doing this can help you know what you are paying for and what is available to you. My dad passed away yesterday and we want to make sure we get the best funeral services we can, so I’m glad I found your post.

Fellow members need your help in answering critical questions. As an exclusive service to members, the OFDA's Q&A page allows you to share common questions and maybe not-so-common answers. You can even share your stories of unique and/or interesting services that you have provided. Maybe your story will answer someone's question before they even ask it!
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