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2. Managing Impulsivity
"....goal directed self-imposed delay of gratification is perhaps the essence of emotional self-regulation: the ability to
deny impulse in the service of a goal, whether it be building a business, solving an algebraic equation, or pursuing the
Stanley cup.”
Daniel Goleman Emotional Intelligence (1995) p. 83

Effective problem solvers have a sense of deliberativeness: They think before they act. They intentionally form a vision
of a product, plan of action, goal or a destination before they begin. They strive to clarify and understand directions,
develop a strategy for approaching a problem and withhold immediate value judgments about an idea before fully
understanding it. Reflective individuals consider alternatives and consequences of several possible directions prior to
taking action. They decrease their need for trial and error by gathering information, taking time to reflect on an answer
before giving it, making sure they understand directions, and listening to alternative points of view.

Often students blurt the first answer that comes to mind. Sometimes they shout out an answer, start to work without fully
understanding the directions, lack an organized plan or strategy for approaching a problem or make immediate value
judgments about an idea—criticizing or praising it— before fully understanding it. They may take the first suggestion
given or operate on the first idea that comes to mind rather than considering alternatives and consequences of several
possible directions.


3. Listening To Others—With Understanding and Empathy
Listening is the beginning of understanding..... Wisdom is the reward for a lifetime of listening.
Let the wise listen and add to their learning and let the discerning get guidance –
Proverbs 1:5

Highly effective people spend an inordinate amount of time and energy listening. Some psychologists believe that the
ability to listen to another person, to empathise with, and to understand their point of view is one of the highest forms of
intelligent behaviour. Being able to paraphrase another person's ideas, detecting indicators (cues) of their feelings or
emotional states in their oral and body language (empathy), accurately expressing another person's concepts, emotions
and problems—all are indications of listening behaviour (Piaget called it "overcoming ego-centrism"). They are able to
see through the diverse perspectives of others. They gently attend to another person demonstrating their understanding
of and empathy for an idea or feeling by paraphrasing it accurately, building upon it, clarifying it, or giving an example of
it.

We spend 55 percent of our lives listening yet it is one of the least taught skills in schools. We often say we are listening
but in actuality, we are rehearsing in our head what we are going to say next when our partner is finished. Some
students ridicule, laugh at, or put down other students' ideas. They interrupt and are unable to build upon, consider the
merits of, or operate on another person's ideas. We want our students to learn to devote their mental energies to
another person and invest themselves in their partner's ideas. We wish students to learn to hold in abeyance their own
values, judgments, opinions, and prejudices in order to listen to and entertain another person’s thoughts. This is a very
complex skill requiring the ability to monitor one's own thoughts while, at the same time, attending to the partner's words.
This does not mean that we can't disagree with someone. A good listener tries to understand what the other person is
saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is
disagreeing with.


4. Thinking Flexibly
If you never change your mind, why have one?
Edward deBono

An amazing discovery about the human brain is its plasticity--its ability to "rewire", change and even repair itself to
become smarter. Flexible people are the ones with the most control. They have the capacity to change their mind as
they receive additional data. They engage in multiple and simultaneous outcomes and activities, draw upon a repertoire
of problem solving strategies and can practice style flexibility, knowing when it is appropriate to be broad and global in
their thinking and when a situation requires detailed precision. They create and seek novel approaches and have a well-
developed sense of humour. They envision a range of consequences.

Flexible people consider alternative points of view or deal with several sources of information simultaneously. Their
minds are open to change based on additional information and data or reasoning, which contradicts their beliefs.
Flexible people know that they have and can develop options and alternatives to consider. They understand mean-ends
relationships being able to work within rules, criteria and regulations and they can predict the consequences of flouting
them. They understand not only the immediate reactions but are also able to perceive the bigger purposes that such
constraints serve. Thus, flexibility of mind is essential for working with social diversity, enabling an individual to
recognize the wholeness and distinctness of other people's ways of experiencing and making meaning.
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